The Western Hoser

VANCOUVER, BC - In a recent survey, tech companies across Canada have revealed that they have an urgent need to hire top talent for jobs that don’t really exist. Despite this, these same companies continue to insist on conducting coding interviews that involve obscure algorithms and trivia questions that have no real-world relevance.

“I mean, we need to hire the best of the best,” said Jim, a hiring manager at a local tech company. “These are highly competitive roles that require the very best candidates.”

The coding interviews that Jim and his colleagues are conducting are notorious for their difficulty. Questions often involve obscure algorithms that no normal person would ever use, as well as complex trivia questions that require months of cramming just to get a passing grade.

“I had an interview where they asked me to explain how to implement a trie data structure using only emojis,” said Laura, a recent computer science graduate. “I mean, who even uses a trie in real life, let alone with emojis?”

The situation has become so absurd that some candidates are now turning to online forums to share their experiences and swap tips on how to crack the interview.

“I spent three months preparing for a coding interview that asked me to solve a problem involving prime numbers and traffic lights,” said Dave, another computer science graduate. “I mean, I’m from Tofino, I know nothing about traffic lights!”

But the biggest irony is that once hired, many top tech talents find themselves with nothing to do.

“The work is so mundane, and the projects are so basic that I feel like I’m wasting my skills,” says Mike Smith, a software engineer at a major Canadian tech company. “I spend half of my day looking for something to do.”

The trend of companies hiring top talent only to struggle to find work for them is not new. Many employees inflate tasks and take months to do tasks that could be done in hours. With remote work, some employees have been known to show up for their online meetings, but otherwise, sleep in or participate in hobbies.

“It’s a vicious cycle,” says Smith. “The interviews are ridiculous, and then they hire people they don’t need, only to have them do meaningless work. It’s a waste of everyone’s time and money.”

Despite the widespread criticism, tech companies remain firm in their stance that hiring top talent is essential for the success of their businesses.

“We need the best of the best, even if their skills won’t actually be put to use,” said Jim. “It’s just the way the tech industry works.”